I’m back on the rez and today was an amazing first full day back.
I arrived yesterday to my home for the next three weeks. I drove here from Minneapolis and before I arrived at my final destination I stopped in Allen to visit with Barry and Shelly Bentley, who are the pastors at the Pass Creek Church of God. It was amazing to sit and visit with them for a couple of hours.
I will be working for World Vision as a liaison between mission teams and the organization Wings As Eagles. As my dear friend Heather said it is like a 3 week paid vacation for me.
Where I am located it is surrounded on almost all sides by nothing by the prairie and the badlands. I walked around the property yesterday when I arrived and I thought that it was a shame that I had to be in such a beautiful place for the next three weeks. The worst part is always looking down for snakes.
This morning on the drive to Wounded Knee Church of God I saw a Lakota teenage boy riding his horse bareback while texting. It was a beautiful clash of cultures and time periods. It reminded me of how much I love the quirkiness of this place.
I arrived to church this morning to discover there was not actually church. But that did not matter at all. When I knocked on the home of the pastor Stanley Hollow Horn his wife answered the door and was thrilled to visit with me. Even though there wasn’t church, I still felt the power of the spirit when I spoke with Sylvia.
So instead of turning around to come back to the Dream Center, I headed into Pine Ridge and like the old days of GreaterWorks when there wasn’t church in Wounded Knee I would go to the Gospel Fellowship. I was able to take part in a beautiful service lead by the Matthews family. I was also reminded of the impact of Father’s Day on the Lakota community. Alta came up to take prayer requests and he spoke to the history of fathers on Pine Ridge. When the government moved the Lakota people to the reservation it removed the need for men because the government started providing protection, food, and shelter. Men no longer knew how to be men or fathers. Alta said Lakota men need to step up and care for their families. It was a difficult reminder that out here you cannot escape the way the government has oppressed people.
After church I stopped at Big Bats to get gas and I went to Taco Johns for lunch. Then I drove to Manderson, my old home. I stopped in to say hi to the YouthWorks staff at Pine Ridge 1. I am their prayer partner and it was amazing to be able to encourage their Site Director and just let them know who I am and that they are in my constant prayers.
After visiting the YouthWorks staff I went to Pinkys Store. I was able to sit and visit with my dear friend Pinky and talk to her about what is happening in Manderson. Also I was able to hold her newly acquired Siamese kitten for about an hour. I met a woman who is a chaplain at the hospital in Rapid City. On the weekend she lives in a Yurt off of White Horse Creek Road.
Coming back I am reminded how much this place means to me and how much I love it. I love connecting with old friends and meeting new friends. I am excited to see what the next 3 weeks will bring.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
More than a Free Indian Taco
I just finished "Love Wins" by Rob Bell and here is my reflection.
One of the more horrific experiences of my life, related to my experience of the Church, took place last summer while I was living and working of the Pine Ridge Reservation. A little about the community before I tell you the story, because I believe context will help you understand. Manderson, where I lived, is 15 miles from the closest gas pump; it has a school k-8, a college center, a tribal office, a tiny store where a gallon of milk costs $5, a post office, and a day care center. About 600 people live in the community. Pine Ridge has 80-90% unemployment, an average yearly income of about $3,500, and a life expectancy for men of 46 and women 52. There is one small Catholic Church in the community of Manderson and it does not have regular services. I can rattle off other stats but you get the point, life there is hard and if anyone needs to be shown the love of God it is the Lakota people.
While I was there working for YouthWorks hosting youth mission trips, my team and I worked to shoe the people in the community that we came because we loved them, another church group came for a week long mission trip. This group, who denomination will remain nameless, invited the entire community and the 70+ YouthWorks participants to a free Indian Taco meal. An Indian Taco, which is not a racist term trust me, is the best food in the world. My mouth waters just thinking it about them. Anyway I gave my permission for my group to be a part of this activity because a meal is a great way to engage with people and interact with them on an even level. The pastor planning this event plastered the community with signs inviting them to a free meal. No cost, nothing you have to give or do to be a part of it, just come and eat.
About 400 hungry people crammed into the tiny gym Wounded Knee District expecting a meal and were given instead a worship service. Hymns were sung from the stage while the White Christians attempted to engage the native people sitting at the tables across from them. Then came the message, it was at this point that I entered the gym, totally unaware of what was happening my community. I felt terrible. Here was this pastor speaking from the stage to a room full of hungry people telling them how if they only accepted Jesus into their hearts as their savior everything would be better. They wouldn't go to hell when they died. Even thinking about it makes me cringe; this pastor knew nothing about the pain that people lived with daily. The people who filled that gym expecting a meal lived in a daily hell. Hell was all around them, hell is not being able to feed their children, hell is be a child who is raped by his or her drunk uncle, hell is a 6 year old riding her bike for 2 days straight because she does not have place to sleep.
While I was sitting there cringing at the disgrace that the pastor was preaching in the name of Jesus he pulled out the classic, turn or burn moment. I am sure that some of you have experienced it.
He said, "Now everyone close your eyes," something no one did, "Now raise your hand if you don't want to spend eternity burning in hell."
I heard several people around me yell, "we are hungry and want to eat, just raise your hand."
The pastor, "We are not going to eat until someone comes to Jesus and steps away from Hell."
Finally after the acceptable number of people raised their hands, we were able to eat. The next day, an ice cream social was offered to the community and before they could get their ice cream they had to listen to the same message. Then the Christian's left, they did their good service to the poor Indians, and then went home.
I was left saddened and frankly amazed at how the love of God got boiled down to a way to get a free Indian taco or a free ice cream Sunday. I had invested a year of my life in that community showing people that being a Christian was about love and being able to see the love that God has for them. I did not see the point to warn people about hell, when it was all around them. What they need to see is heaven here and now. If you are going to describe a revolutionary concept to people speak of peace and love enduring and conquering all.
I read "Love Wins" with this story plastered to the front of my mind. When I read "Love Wins" I was looking for a reason to provide hope to a community that has none. Bell writes on page 179, "Life has never been about just 'getting in.' It's about thriving in God's good world. It's stillness, peace, and that feeling of your soul being at rest, while at the same time, it's about asking thing, learning things, creating things, and sharing it all with others who are fining the same kind of joy in the same good world."
"Love Wins," reminded me is so many beautiful ways that there is a place for everyone at the table of God, everyone from every nation. It reminded me that fear from going to hell or getting the ticket to go to heaven are not ways to minister to people or to show them the love of God. The good news is about more than getting a free Indian Taco. It is about creating a place for people to experience the love that God has to offer. For as Rob Bell would say, love wins.
One of the more horrific experiences of my life, related to my experience of the Church, took place last summer while I was living and working of the Pine Ridge Reservation. A little about the community before I tell you the story, because I believe context will help you understand. Manderson, where I lived, is 15 miles from the closest gas pump; it has a school k-8, a college center, a tribal office, a tiny store where a gallon of milk costs $5, a post office, and a day care center. About 600 people live in the community. Pine Ridge has 80-90% unemployment, an average yearly income of about $3,500, and a life expectancy for men of 46 and women 52. There is one small Catholic Church in the community of Manderson and it does not have regular services. I can rattle off other stats but you get the point, life there is hard and if anyone needs to be shown the love of God it is the Lakota people.
While I was there working for YouthWorks hosting youth mission trips, my team and I worked to shoe the people in the community that we came because we loved them, another church group came for a week long mission trip. This group, who denomination will remain nameless, invited the entire community and the 70+ YouthWorks participants to a free Indian Taco meal. An Indian Taco, which is not a racist term trust me, is the best food in the world. My mouth waters just thinking it about them. Anyway I gave my permission for my group to be a part of this activity because a meal is a great way to engage with people and interact with them on an even level. The pastor planning this event plastered the community with signs inviting them to a free meal. No cost, nothing you have to give or do to be a part of it, just come and eat.
About 400 hungry people crammed into the tiny gym Wounded Knee District expecting a meal and were given instead a worship service. Hymns were sung from the stage while the White Christians attempted to engage the native people sitting at the tables across from them. Then came the message, it was at this point that I entered the gym, totally unaware of what was happening my community. I felt terrible. Here was this pastor speaking from the stage to a room full of hungry people telling them how if they only accepted Jesus into their hearts as their savior everything would be better. They wouldn't go to hell when they died. Even thinking about it makes me cringe; this pastor knew nothing about the pain that people lived with daily. The people who filled that gym expecting a meal lived in a daily hell. Hell was all around them, hell is not being able to feed their children, hell is be a child who is raped by his or her drunk uncle, hell is a 6 year old riding her bike for 2 days straight because she does not have place to sleep.
While I was sitting there cringing at the disgrace that the pastor was preaching in the name of Jesus he pulled out the classic, turn or burn moment. I am sure that some of you have experienced it.
He said, "Now everyone close your eyes," something no one did, "Now raise your hand if you don't want to spend eternity burning in hell."
I heard several people around me yell, "we are hungry and want to eat, just raise your hand."
The pastor, "We are not going to eat until someone comes to Jesus and steps away from Hell."
Finally after the acceptable number of people raised their hands, we were able to eat. The next day, an ice cream social was offered to the community and before they could get their ice cream they had to listen to the same message. Then the Christian's left, they did their good service to the poor Indians, and then went home.
I was left saddened and frankly amazed at how the love of God got boiled down to a way to get a free Indian taco or a free ice cream Sunday. I had invested a year of my life in that community showing people that being a Christian was about love and being able to see the love that God has for them. I did not see the point to warn people about hell, when it was all around them. What they need to see is heaven here and now. If you are going to describe a revolutionary concept to people speak of peace and love enduring and conquering all.
I read "Love Wins" with this story plastered to the front of my mind. When I read "Love Wins" I was looking for a reason to provide hope to a community that has none. Bell writes on page 179, "Life has never been about just 'getting in.' It's about thriving in God's good world. It's stillness, peace, and that feeling of your soul being at rest, while at the same time, it's about asking thing, learning things, creating things, and sharing it all with others who are fining the same kind of joy in the same good world."
"Love Wins," reminded me is so many beautiful ways that there is a place for everyone at the table of God, everyone from every nation. It reminded me that fear from going to hell or getting the ticket to go to heaven are not ways to minister to people or to show them the love of God. The good news is about more than getting a free Indian Taco. It is about creating a place for people to experience the love that God has to offer. For as Rob Bell would say, love wins.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
I'm leaving on a jet plane... on the 19th
I’m going. I made a decision and I bought a ticket.
On Halloween night I called my friend Katriina and I expressed to her my desire to visit Pine Ridge. When I called her she was visiting our friend Angie. If I could have anyone on the reservation adopt me, it would be her. Angie is the secretary at the Wounded Knee District School. She magically has an answer to every single question and she has a big heart. The night before my YouthWorks team and I left Manderson, I ran over and killed Angie’s son’s puppy named Warrior. I was heartbroken and devastated. I was so afraid that Angie’s family would be mad at me for killing Warrior. When I went to Angie’s house to apologize she hugged me and told me that it would be ok. She knew that it was accident. She forgave me.
When I called Katriina, she put me on the phone with Angie. I was so excited I almost cried. When I told her that I was thinking about coming out for a visit, she told me that she would love to have me visit with her. I knew when I was talking to her that I needed to visit. I needed Angie in my life again.
When I told my dad that I was excited to go out and that I had bought a plane ticket he told me that I just needed to make sure my priorities were right. He said that my priorities needed to be school and finding a second job (which is impossible at this point because my car is dead in Michigan and I’m in Indiana). I told him that this was a very important priority to me. If the current plan stays, I will be going out to Pine Ridge full time after I graduate in 3 years. I need to continue working in the relationships that I have established. I need to make sure that in 3 years when I do go back that I still have relationships with people.
So I leave on November 19 for Denver and my wonderful friend Katriina is going to pick me up. Then on November 20 we are driving back to the Rez. I couldn’t be more excited. I then fly back on November 26. I only get a week with my friends but at this point a week is better than nothing.
On Halloween night I called my friend Katriina and I expressed to her my desire to visit Pine Ridge. When I called her she was visiting our friend Angie. If I could have anyone on the reservation adopt me, it would be her. Angie is the secretary at the Wounded Knee District School. She magically has an answer to every single question and she has a big heart. The night before my YouthWorks team and I left Manderson, I ran over and killed Angie’s son’s puppy named Warrior. I was heartbroken and devastated. I was so afraid that Angie’s family would be mad at me for killing Warrior. When I went to Angie’s house to apologize she hugged me and told me that it would be ok. She knew that it was accident. She forgave me.
When I called Katriina, she put me on the phone with Angie. I was so excited I almost cried. When I told her that I was thinking about coming out for a visit, she told me that she would love to have me visit with her. I knew when I was talking to her that I needed to visit. I needed Angie in my life again.
When I told my dad that I was excited to go out and that I had bought a plane ticket he told me that I just needed to make sure my priorities were right. He said that my priorities needed to be school and finding a second job (which is impossible at this point because my car is dead in Michigan and I’m in Indiana). I told him that this was a very important priority to me. If the current plan stays, I will be going out to Pine Ridge full time after I graduate in 3 years. I need to continue working in the relationships that I have established. I need to make sure that in 3 years when I do go back that I still have relationships with people.
So I leave on November 19 for Denver and my wonderful friend Katriina is going to pick me up. Then on November 20 we are driving back to the Rez. I couldn’t be more excited. I then fly back on November 26. I only get a week with my friends but at this point a week is better than nothing.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Its been a long time
It has been 12 weeks since I left Manderson and I am half way through my first semester of seminary. When I left Manderson I left a piece of my heart.
August was a whirlwind month. Just a quick recap, I was home for a week. I flew to Jackson Hole, Wyoming to help move my best friend across the country. I spent 3 days driving over 1600 miles in a 15 foot rental truck. I moved into my grownup seminary apartment (I have to pay rent and utilities now) and I started my Masters degree.
September came with going back to work as a student secretary and getting used to going to class again. I had to remind myself over and over again why I wanted to return to school.
October has also been busy. My sister got married and I was a faith promise speaker at a small church in Michigan.
Sometimes I wonder where the last three months of life went. I have been consumed with reading books, writing papers, and I’m working on figuring out a new normal for my life.
I left Manderson changed. I am not the same person that I was a year ago. God used that community to shape and mold me.
Today I met with someone at Church of God ministries to talk about the reservation.
It reminded me of my passion for Pine Ridge. It reminded me of my friends in Manderson.
It reminded me that at the community Pow Wow in Manderson, my YouthWorks Staff and I were invited to join the community Chow Line. When I questioned our place in line to a friend, he said you are a part of this community like the rest of us.
It reminded me of my little Wicozani who fell and hit her head on the playground this summer. It reminded me of her aunt Pam, age 12, who brought her to me bloodied so that I might care for her. It reminded me of Pam’s bravery to act older than she was and Wicozani’s bravery through the pain.
It reminded me of climbing Camel’s Back with Heather and Katriina; even though I didn’t do it that much while I lived in Manderson.
It reminded me of Bette’s Kitchen and daily specials. It reminded me that Bette has the best food on the Rez.
It reminded me of fun two hour conversation in the car with Laura on the drive to Rapid.
God has placed Pine Ridge on my heart and as I go through this process of seminary I am learning to love the Lakota at a distance. I know that God has me here at this place at this time for a specific purpose. While my heart may be in Manderson, my body and soul are here in Anderson.
August was a whirlwind month. Just a quick recap, I was home for a week. I flew to Jackson Hole, Wyoming to help move my best friend across the country. I spent 3 days driving over 1600 miles in a 15 foot rental truck. I moved into my grownup seminary apartment (I have to pay rent and utilities now) and I started my Masters degree.
September came with going back to work as a student secretary and getting used to going to class again. I had to remind myself over and over again why I wanted to return to school.
October has also been busy. My sister got married and I was a faith promise speaker at a small church in Michigan.
Sometimes I wonder where the last three months of life went. I have been consumed with reading books, writing papers, and I’m working on figuring out a new normal for my life.
I left Manderson changed. I am not the same person that I was a year ago. God used that community to shape and mold me.
Today I met with someone at Church of God ministries to talk about the reservation.
It reminded me of my passion for Pine Ridge. It reminded me of my friends in Manderson.
It reminded me that at the community Pow Wow in Manderson, my YouthWorks Staff and I were invited to join the community Chow Line. When I questioned our place in line to a friend, he said you are a part of this community like the rest of us.
It reminded me of my little Wicozani who fell and hit her head on the playground this summer. It reminded me of her aunt Pam, age 12, who brought her to me bloodied so that I might care for her. It reminded me of Pam’s bravery to act older than she was and Wicozani’s bravery through the pain.
It reminded me of climbing Camel’s Back with Heather and Katriina; even though I didn’t do it that much while I lived in Manderson.
It reminded me of Bette’s Kitchen and daily specials. It reminded me that Bette has the best food on the Rez.
It reminded me of fun two hour conversation in the car with Laura on the drive to Rapid.
God has placed Pine Ridge on my heart and as I go through this process of seminary I am learning to love the Lakota at a distance. I know that God has me here at this place at this time for a specific purpose. While my heart may be in Manderson, my body and soul are here in Anderson.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Back to Mandyville
I know that it has been several weeks if not a month since I last post on my blog. Since the last post I said good bye to my friend in Manderson and hello to friends back home. I had a blessed time at home with my family and friends. I was able to spend time with my friends in Anderson and I even made a trip to New Jersey to spend time with my friend Ashley. Also LOST my favorite tv show of all time ended. I am still mourning the LOST.
Well as of Saturday night I am back on the Rez. After a week of training my new team and I are preparing for a YouthWorks summer. I feel blessed by my new team of Tim, Laura, and Vinny. Together we will host Youth Mission trips all summer. We will have about 70 people a week. So far we are working well together and we are getting excited to have groups come. Right now as a team we are staying in my old house in Manderson. It’s exciting to be back there. It is also very strange. I keep expecting my cat to appear and Heather and Katriina to be around.
I would ask everyone to reads this to be in prayer. We are facing some difficulties that make my job extremely stressful. I am grateful that my boss Molly is currently here with us.
I hope to be able to update this blog often to let you know what’s happening out here.
Well as of Saturday night I am back on the Rez. After a week of training my new team and I are preparing for a YouthWorks summer. I feel blessed by my new team of Tim, Laura, and Vinny. Together we will host Youth Mission trips all summer. We will have about 70 people a week. So far we are working well together and we are getting excited to have groups come. Right now as a team we are staying in my old house in Manderson. It’s exciting to be back there. It is also very strange. I keep expecting my cat to appear and Heather and Katriina to be around.
I would ask everyone to reads this to be in prayer. We are facing some difficulties that make my job extremely stressful. I am grateful that my boss Molly is currently here with us.
I hope to be able to update this blog often to let you know what’s happening out here.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Goodbye
When I was visiting my friend Sylvia and her mom Delia I was telling them how sad I was to be saying goodbye. Then my friend Delia told me that in Lakota there is no word for goodbye. When you leave someone you don’t tell them goodbye you tell them until next time. Or I will see you later. This week as I am saying goodbye to my friends here I won’t be saying goodbye, I will only be saying until next time.
I love the idea of a goodbye not being final. As I prepare to leave this place I know that I will return in about 4 weeks. My goodbye isn’t final. I am embracing the Lakota meaning of the word goodbye. My goodbye will only be until next time. I’m excited for my return but saddened that my life here this summer will look nothing like my life does now. I look forward to the groups that will be coming this summer. I look forward to the opportunity to help teach teenagers about the Lakota people and about life out here. I look forward to watching the youth groups that come interact with the kids here.
As these final days wrap up I am preparing go home. I have wonderful plans for visiting friends and family. I am looking forward to seeing my mom and dad.
So on April 27, I will say a Lakota goodbye to this. With a promise and guarantee that I will be back.
I love the idea of a goodbye not being final. As I prepare to leave this place I know that I will return in about 4 weeks. My goodbye isn’t final. I am embracing the Lakota meaning of the word goodbye. My goodbye will only be until next time. I’m excited for my return but saddened that my life here this summer will look nothing like my life does now. I look forward to the groups that will be coming this summer. I look forward to the opportunity to help teach teenagers about the Lakota people and about life out here. I look forward to watching the youth groups that come interact with the kids here.
As these final days wrap up I am preparing go home. I have wonderful plans for visiting friends and family. I am looking forward to seeing my mom and dad.
So on April 27, I will say a Lakota goodbye to this. With a promise and guarantee that I will be back.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Two Weeks
In two weeks I will be flying out of Denver with my cat and memories of year where God has taught me in the difficult times. In my last post I declared that I was not ready to leave this place. Well it turns out that God doesn’t think my time here is up yet. I found out last week Thursday that my summer placement for YouthWorks was here! I will be staying right here in Manderson and I will live in the school where I have been helping all year. I am now at peace about leaving here. I know that I am going to go home and I will be rejuvenated for a wonderful summer. I am excited to see the community of Manderson in the summer.
Leaving in two weeks doesn’t mean that my work here has all of a sudden gotten easier. Recently the kids in my class have been acting out a lot. I know that I have gotten to the point where I don’t want to be in there with them. It is so hard some days to try and teach kids, when there is no teacher and they don’t listen at all. I am sick of telling kids to come in for recess and their response to me is to run away and say no. I am tired of teaching kindergarten. For those of you who know me, you know that I love kids, but I don’t have the gifts of teaching little people. I feel like God is using this time to teach me that even though work at the school is terrible at times those little kids need love. They children who are hard to love need love the most.
Today I read to a couple of girls who had finished their work early. One of the girls, Agnes, has been bad for the last two weeks. She wanted to sit next to me while I read. She wouldn’t stop touching me- putting her head on my shoulder, rubbing my arm, and leaning against me. I was severely irritated by that. I didn’t want her to touch me because she had been so bad. It was like God slapped me up side my head. Agnes needs love. She needs someone to touch her in a loving way. She needs a shoulder to put her head on. She acts out because at home she doesn’t have someone who is constant in her life who loves her.
There is nothing about being here that is easy. This is a hard place to live. And yet God has given me a deep love for the people. God is so mighty and awesome. I learn everyday how to better love his people.
This is what I have been living this year:
It isn't in the pleasurable or in the pleasant where we learn the most about God, it’s in our time of need where we have nothing else to rely on. That is where we greet God and we see God in a way we never have before.
Leaving in two weeks doesn’t mean that my work here has all of a sudden gotten easier. Recently the kids in my class have been acting out a lot. I know that I have gotten to the point where I don’t want to be in there with them. It is so hard some days to try and teach kids, when there is no teacher and they don’t listen at all. I am sick of telling kids to come in for recess and their response to me is to run away and say no. I am tired of teaching kindergarten. For those of you who know me, you know that I love kids, but I don’t have the gifts of teaching little people. I feel like God is using this time to teach me that even though work at the school is terrible at times those little kids need love. They children who are hard to love need love the most.
Today I read to a couple of girls who had finished their work early. One of the girls, Agnes, has been bad for the last two weeks. She wanted to sit next to me while I read. She wouldn’t stop touching me- putting her head on my shoulder, rubbing my arm, and leaning against me. I was severely irritated by that. I didn’t want her to touch me because she had been so bad. It was like God slapped me up side my head. Agnes needs love. She needs someone to touch her in a loving way. She needs a shoulder to put her head on. She acts out because at home she doesn’t have someone who is constant in her life who loves her.
There is nothing about being here that is easy. This is a hard place to live. And yet God has given me a deep love for the people. God is so mighty and awesome. I learn everyday how to better love his people.
This is what I have been living this year:
It isn't in the pleasurable or in the pleasant where we learn the most about God, it’s in our time of need where we have nothing else to rely on. That is where we greet God and we see God in a way we never have before.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)