One of Us

I am very aware of the fact that my skin is white. When I walk into a room I often notice the number of brown faces and the lack of pale faces. I am the only white person in my church and at first I was very uncomfortable with that fact. Often I notice the difference but to my native friends they see no difference. I made a comment to the school secretary shortly after I got back from Christmas break, that the three white girls had returned. She said to me, we don’t see you as that. We think of you as the girls from Minnesota. Do you see us as the native ladies who work in the office?

The other day at church there was a church group visiting from Wyoming. They brought canned goods for the church pantry and spend time with kids in the community. When I got there one of my regular Sunday school girls said to me, “Who are these people Emily?” I said, “I don’t know just because they are white doesn’t mean that I know them.” The girl, Lisa, died laughing. Later Lisa and I were talking and I made a comment about the white people being at the church and Lisa said to me, “You’re not like them. You’re one of us.”

Some days out here I feel like I could leave and no one would notice that I was gone, like I haven’t made an impact on anyone. I often feel like I live here in Manderson but I am not a part of the community. It isn’t easy for an outsider, me, to be accepted into the community. It takes a long time for people to build trust. I don’t feel like I have been accepted into the community of Manderson, I have been accepted into Lisa’s community. She doesn’t see me as just another white person, I am her friend. I am a part of her community. She trusts me.

I leave this place in 4 weeks. It is hard to believe that time has gone by that quickly. I still feel like I have so much learn from my neighbors and from people at church. I have relationships that I want to deepen. I know that God is here and present. God will be with me as I start to say my goodbyes. I leave knowing though that for some people I came as an outsider and I will leave as an outsider. But for Lisa I came as an outsider and I am leaving a friend.