Loving the Lakota

Good to be Back

2011-06-19T20:19:00.002-06:00

I’m back on the rez and today was an amazing first full day back.
I arrived yesterday to my home for the next three weeks. I drove here from Minneapolis and before I arrived at my final destination I stopped in Allen to visit with Barry and Shelly Bentley, who are the pastors at the Pass Creek Church of God. It was amazing to sit and visit with them for a couple of hours.

I will be working for World Vision as a liaison between mission teams and the organization Wings As Eagles. As my dear friend Heather said it is like a 3 week paid vacation for me.

Where I am located it is surrounded on almost all sides by nothing by the prairie and the badlands. I walked around the property yesterday when I arrived and I thought that it was a shame that I had to be in such a beautiful place for the next three weeks. The worst part is always looking down for snakes.

This morning on the drive to Wounded Knee Church of God I saw a Lakota teenage boy riding his horse bareback while texting. It was a beautiful clash of cultures and time periods. It reminded me of how much I love the quirkiness of this place.
I arrived to church this morning to discover there was not actually church. But that did not matter at all. When I knocked on the home of the pastor Stanley Hollow Horn his wife answered the door and was thrilled to visit with me. Even though there wasn’t church, I still felt the power of the spirit when I spoke with Sylvia.

So instead of turning around to come back to the Dream Center, I headed into Pine Ridge and like the old days of GreaterWorks when there wasn’t church in Wounded Knee I would go to the Gospel Fellowship. I was able to take part in a beautiful service lead by the Matthews family. I was also reminded of the impact of Father’s Day on the Lakota community. Alta came up to take prayer requests and he spoke to the history of fathers on Pine Ridge. When the government moved the Lakota people to the reservation it removed the need for men because the government started providing protection, food, and shelter. Men no longer knew how to be men or fathers. Alta said Lakota men need to step up and care for their families. It was a difficult reminder that out here you cannot escape the way the government has oppressed people.

After church I stopped at Big Bats to get gas and I went to Taco Johns for lunch. Then I drove to Manderson, my old home. I stopped in to say hi to the YouthWorks staff at Pine Ridge 1. I am their prayer partner and it was amazing to be able to encourage their Site Director and just let them know who I am and that they are in my constant prayers.

After visiting the YouthWorks staff I went to Pinkys Store. I was able to sit and visit with my dear friend Pinky and talk to her about what is happening in Manderson. Also I was able to hold her newly acquired Siamese kitten for about an hour. I met a woman who is a chaplain at the hospital in Rapid City. On the weekend she lives in a Yurt off of White Horse Creek Road.

Coming back I am reminded how much this place means to me and how much I love it. I love connecting with old friends and meeting new friends. I am excited to see what the next 3 weeks will bring.

More than a Free Indian Taco

2011-06-06T12:13:00.000-06:00

I just finished "Love Wins" by Rob Bell and here is my reflection.

One of the more horrific experiences of my life, related to my experience of the Church, took place last summer while I was living and working of the Pine Ridge Reservation. A little about the community before I tell you the story, because I believe context will help you understand. Manderson, where I lived, is 15 miles from the closest gas pump; it has a school k-8, a college center, a tribal office, a tiny store where a gallon of milk costs $5, a post office, and a day care center. About 600 people live in the community. Pine Ridge has 80-90% unemployment, an average yearly income of about $3,500, and a life expectancy for men of 46 and women 52. There is one small Catholic Church in the community of Manderson and it does not have regular services. I can rattle off other stats but you get the point, life there is hard and if anyone needs to be shown the love of God it is the Lakota people.

While I was there working for YouthWorks hosting youth mission trips, my team and I worked to shoe the people in the community that we came because we loved them, another church group came for a week long mission trip. This group, who denomination will remain nameless, invited the entire community and the 70+ YouthWorks participants to a free Indian Taco meal. An Indian Taco, which is not a racist term trust me, is the best food in the world. My mouth waters just thinking it about them. Anyway I gave my permission for my group to be a part of this activity because a meal is a great way to engage with people and interact with them on an even level. The pastor planning this event plastered the community with signs inviting them to a free meal. No cost, nothing you have to give or do to be a part of it, just come and eat.

About 400 hungry people crammed into the tiny gym Wounded Knee District expecting a meal and were given instead a worship service. Hymns were sung from the stage while the White Christians attempted to engage the native people sitting at the tables across from them. Then came the message, it was at this point that I entered the gym, totally unaware of what was happening my community. I felt terrible. Here was this pastor speaking from the stage to a room full of hungry people telling them how if they only accepted Jesus into their hearts as their savior everything would be better. They wouldn't go to hell when they died. Even thinking about it makes me cringe; this pastor knew nothing about the pain that people lived with daily. The people who filled that gym expecting a meal lived in a daily hell. Hell was all around them, hell is not being able to feed their children, hell is be a child who is raped by his or her drunk uncle, hell is a 6 year old riding her bike for 2 days straight because she does not have place to sleep.

While I was sitting there cringing at the disgrace that the pastor was preaching in the name of Jesus he pulled out the classic, turn or burn moment. I am sure that some of you have experienced it.

He said, "Now everyone close your eyes," something no one did, "Now raise your hand if you don't want to spend eternity burning in hell."

I heard several people around me yell, "we are hungry and want to eat, just raise your hand."

The pastor, "We are not going to eat until someone comes to Jesus and steps away from Hell."

Finally after the acceptable number of people raised their hands, we were able to eat. The next day, an ice cream social was offered to the community and before they could get their ice cream they had to listen to the same message. Then the Christian's left, they did their good service to the poor Indians, and then went home.

I was left saddened and frankly amazed at how the love of God got boiled down to a way to get a free Indian taco or a free ice cream Sunday. I had invested a year of my life in that community showing people that being a Christian was about love and being able to see the love that God has for them. I did not see the point to warn people about hell, when it was all around them. What they need to see is heaven here and now. If you are going to describe a revolutionary concept to people speak of peace and love enduring and conquering all.

I read "Love Wins" with this story plastered to the front of my mind. When I read "Love Wins" I was looking for a reason to provide hope to a community that has none. Bell writes on page 179, "Life has never been about just 'getting in.' It's about thriving in God's good world. It's stillness, peace, and that feeling of your soul being at rest, while at the same time, it's about asking thing, learning things, creating things, and sharing it all with others who are fining the same kind of joy in the same good world."

"Love Wins," reminded me is so many beautiful ways that there is a place for everyone at the table of God, everyone from every nation. It reminded me that fear from going to hell or getting the ticket to go to heaven are not ways to minister to people or to show them the love of God. The good news is about more than getting a free Indian Taco. It is about creating a place for people to experience the love that God has to offer. For as Rob Bell would say, love wins.

I'm leaving on a jet plane... on the 19th

2010-11-03T08:38:00.000-06:00

I’m going. I made a decision and I bought a ticket.

On Halloween night I called my friend Katriina and I expressed to her my desire to visit Pine Ridge. When I called her she was visiting our friend Angie. If I could have anyone on the reservation adopt me, it would be her. Angie is the secretary at the Wounded Knee District School. She magically has an answer to every single question and she has a big heart. The night before my YouthWorks team and I left Manderson, I ran over and killed Angie’s son’s puppy named Warrior. I was heartbroken and devastated. I was so afraid that Angie’s family would be mad at me for killing Warrior. When I went to Angie’s house to apologize she hugged me and told me that it would be ok. She knew that it was accident. She forgave me.

When I called Katriina, she put me on the phone with Angie. I was so excited I almost cried. When I told her that I was thinking about coming out for a visit, she told me that she would love to have me visit with her. I knew when I was talking to her that I needed to visit. I needed Angie in my life again.

When I told my dad that I was excited to go out and that I had bought a plane ticket he told me that I just needed to make sure my priorities were right. He said that my priorities needed to be school and finding a second job (which is impossible at this point because my car is dead in Michigan and I’m in Indiana). I told him that this was a very important priority to me. If the current plan stays, I will be going out to Pine Ridge full time after I graduate in 3 years. I need to continue working in the relationships that I have established. I need to make sure that in 3 years when I do go back that I still have relationships with people.

So I leave on November 19 for Denver and my wonderful friend Katriina is going to pick me up. Then on November 20 we are driving back to the Rez. I couldn’t be more excited. I then fly back on November 26. I only get a week with my friends but at this point a week is better than nothing.

Its been a long time

2010-10-26T20:32:00.001-06:00

It has been 12 weeks since I left Manderson and I am half way through my first semester of seminary. When I left Manderson I left a piece of my heart.

August was a whirlwind month. Just a quick recap, I was home for a week. I flew to Jackson Hole, Wyoming to help move my best friend across the country. I spent 3 days driving over 1600 miles in a 15 foot rental truck. I moved into my grownup seminary apartment (I have to pay rent and utilities now) and I started my Masters degree.

September came with going back to work as a student secretary and getting used to going to class again. I had to remind myself over and over again why I wanted to return to school.

October has also been busy. My sister got married and I was a faith promise speaker at a small church in Michigan.

Sometimes I wonder where the last three months of life went. I have been consumed with reading books, writing papers, and I’m working on figuring out a new normal for my life.

I left Manderson changed. I am not the same person that I was a year ago. God used that community to shape and mold me.

Today I met with someone at Church of God ministries to talk about the reservation.
It reminded me of my passion for Pine Ridge. It reminded me of my friends in Manderson.

It reminded me that at the community Pow Wow in Manderson, my YouthWorks Staff and I were invited to join the community Chow Line. When I questioned our place in line to a friend, he said you are a part of this community like the rest of us.

It reminded me of my little Wicozani who fell and hit her head on the playground this summer. It reminded me of her aunt Pam, age 12, who brought her to me bloodied so that I might care for her. It reminded me of Pam’s bravery to act older than she was and Wicozani’s bravery through the pain.

It reminded me of climbing Camel’s Back with Heather and Katriina; even though I didn’t do it that much while I lived in Manderson.

It reminded me of Bette’s Kitchen and daily specials. It reminded me that Bette has the best food on the Rez.

It reminded me of fun two hour conversation in the car with Laura on the drive to Rapid.

God has placed Pine Ridge on my heart and as I go through this process of seminary I am learning to love the Lakota at a distance. I know that God has me here at this place at this time for a specific purpose. While my heart may be in Manderson, my body and soul are here in Anderson.

Back to Mandyville

2010-06-02T09:12:00.001-06:00

I know that it has been several weeks if not a month since I last post on my blog. Since the last post I said good bye to my friend in Manderson and hello to friends back home. I had a blessed time at home with my family and friends. I was able to spend time with my friends in Anderson and I even made a trip to New Jersey to spend time with my friend Ashley. Also LOST my favorite tv show of all time ended. I am still mourning the LOST.

Well as of Saturday night I am back on the Rez. After a week of training my new team and I are preparing for a YouthWorks summer. I feel blessed by my new team of Tim, Laura, and Vinny. Together we will host Youth Mission trips all summer. We will have about 70 people a week. So far we are working well together and we are getting excited to have groups come. Right now as a team we are staying in my old house in Manderson. It’s exciting to be back there. It is also very strange. I keep expecting my cat to appear and Heather and Katriina to be around.

I would ask everyone to reads this to be in prayer. We are facing some difficulties that make my job extremely stressful. I am grateful that my boss Molly is currently here with us.

I hope to be able to update this blog often to let you know what’s happening out here.

Goodbye

2010-04-21T20:58:00.001-06:00

When I was visiting my friend Sylvia and her mom Delia I was telling them how sad I was to be saying goodbye. Then my friend Delia told me that in Lakota there is no word for goodbye. When you leave someone you don’t tell them goodbye you tell them until next time. Or I will see you later. This week as I am saying goodbye to my friends here I won’t be saying goodbye, I will only be saying until next time.

I love the idea of a goodbye not being final. As I prepare to leave this place I know that I will return in about 4 weeks. My goodbye isn’t final. I am embracing the Lakota meaning of the word goodbye. My goodbye will only be until next time. I’m excited for my return but saddened that my life here this summer will look nothing like my life does now. I look forward to the groups that will be coming this summer. I look forward to the opportunity to help teach teenagers about the Lakota people and about life out here. I look forward to watching the youth groups that come interact with the kids here.

As these final days wrap up I am preparing go home. I have wonderful plans for visiting friends and family. I am looking forward to seeing my mom and dad.

So on April 27, I will say a Lakota goodbye to this. With a promise and guarantee that I will be back.

Two Weeks

2010-04-14T16:47:00.001-06:00

In two weeks I will be flying out of Denver with my cat and memories of year where God has taught me in the difficult times. In my last post I declared that I was not ready to leave this place. Well it turns out that God doesn’t think my time here is up yet. I found out last week Thursday that my summer placement for YouthWorks was here! I will be staying right here in Manderson and I will live in the school where I have been helping all year. I am now at peace about leaving here. I know that I am going to go home and I will be rejuvenated for a wonderful summer. I am excited to see the community of Manderson in the summer.

Leaving in two weeks doesn’t mean that my work here has all of a sudden gotten easier. Recently the kids in my class have been acting out a lot. I know that I have gotten to the point where I don’t want to be in there with them. It is so hard some days to try and teach kids, when there is no teacher and they don’t listen at all. I am sick of telling kids to come in for recess and their response to me is to run away and say no. I am tired of teaching kindergarten. For those of you who know me, you know that I love kids, but I don’t have the gifts of teaching little people. I feel like God is using this time to teach me that even though work at the school is terrible at times those little kids need love. They children who are hard to love need love the most.

Today I read to a couple of girls who had finished their work early. One of the girls, Agnes, has been bad for the last two weeks. She wanted to sit next to me while I read. She wouldn’t stop touching me- putting her head on my shoulder, rubbing my arm, and leaning against me. I was severely irritated by that. I didn’t want her to touch me because she had been so bad. It was like God slapped me up side my head. Agnes needs love. She needs someone to touch her in a loving way. She needs a shoulder to put her head on. She acts out because at home she doesn’t have someone who is constant in her life who loves her.

There is nothing about being here that is easy. This is a hard place to live. And yet God has given me a deep love for the people. God is so mighty and awesome. I learn everyday how to better love his people.

This is what I have been living this year:
It isn't in the pleasurable or in the pleasant where we learn the most about God, it’s in our time of need where we have nothing else to rely on. That is where we greet God and we see God in a way we never have before.

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

2010-04-07T19:21:00.001-06:00

Recently I have been feeling beat and tired. My physical body is now a reflection of my emotional state. Emotionally I am exhausted. It is difficult day after day to look into the eyes of brokenness. It is challenging to be in a school where education appears to be an afterthought. It is tiring to live in a place Christianity is persecuted. It isn’t easy being the minority. I feel as though I have nothing left to give. I am weak.

And yet in my weakness God continues to give me strength and opportunities to show God’s love. This past week was Easter. A day set aside to remember that even the grave cannot hold my God! At my church we had a dinner after service. It was beautiful to see the church community come together to eat and celebrate the holiday together. I had the opportunity to eat with my friend Sylvia and her mom Delia. Also on Monday it was Sylvia’s birthday so I took a cake over to her home and we celebrated together. Even though I didn’t stay long I know that it was impactful. Sylvia said to me, “Too bad you are leaving just when we are getting to know you.”

This is where I am at between a rock and a hard place. I have such a strong desire to return home, to be with my family and to spend time with my friends. I need to be refreshed and my soul needs nourishment. Yet I am not ready to leave this place. I have fallen in love with the community of Manderson and with my church family at Wounded Knee Church of God. I do not want to say goodbye yet.

I know right now I am tired and weak. I fight daily against my flesh. I am at a place where I just want to stay in bed. I can’t have my family and friends instantly and I know that I am leaving here all too soon. I feel like I am in a difficult position and I am searching for a way to respond to my feelings. I know that God will give me the strength that I need to get out of this weariness. I need a shot of God right now. A little shot of Holy Adrenaline to get me these final weeks strong.

Field Trip

2010-03-31T22:14:00.002-06:00

This past Tuesday I was blessed with the opportunity to go with my class on their first field trip. We took 14 students and 10 adults.
There are a couple of quotes that I must share with you.
Me: What is that?
Maurice: My candy.
Me: Where did you get that?
Maurice: On the ground (pointing to the floor of the bus).

Cetan to me while pointing to Crazy Horse: That’s my uncle. He’s dead though.

Garfield (the teacher) to gatekeeper at Crazy Horse: We got about 25 Indians, 1 Mexican, and 1 white girl.
Garfield to me: Are you sure you don’t have any Indian in you?
Me: Yeah I’m sure. I’m as white as they get.

Maurice (looking out the window as we entered the Black Hills): Geeze that’s a big hill.

Over all I had a wonderful trip with my students. It was beautiful to see how some of the parents/aunties/uncles interacted with the kids. We went to Crazy Horse in the morning, had pizza at a park in Hot Springs, and then we went to Evan’s Plunge an indoor water park over a natural hot spring. At Crazy Horse it was fun to see the kids run around and look at the mountain. The park was located along a beautiful stream. It was great to see the kids play and have fun. At Evan’s Plunge I saw some really beautiful things. An uncle of one of the boys took him in the deep end and tried to teach him how to swim. A dad was playing with his son on one of the inner tubes. I loved seeing parents/uncles spending quality time with their child. I don’t get to see this very much in the community. Unfortunately I saw some things that disappointed me. One little girl got hurt twice. Her mother didn’t come to her rescue either time. A couple of the parents left their children in the kiddie area at the pool and went off and had their own fun in the water.

It was so much fun to spend time with my kids in an area where I wasn’t forcing them to learn math or reading. I didn’t have to worry about what the needed to get done for the day, we could just have fun. And we did have fun. On the bus ride home, Maurice, and I fell asleep next to each other.

One of Us

2010-03-29T22:07:00.001-06:00

I am very aware of the fact that my skin is white. When I walk into a room I often notice the number of brown faces and the lack of pale faces. I am the only white person in my church and at first I was very uncomfortable with that fact. Often I notice the difference but to my native friends they see no difference. I made a comment to the school secretary shortly after I got back from Christmas break, that the three white girls had returned. She said to me, we don’t see you as that. We think of you as the girls from Minnesota. Do you see us as the native ladies who work in the office?

The other day at church there was a church group visiting from Wyoming. They brought canned goods for the church pantry and spend time with kids in the community. When I got there one of my regular Sunday school girls said to me, “Who are these people Emily?” I said, “I don’t know just because they are white doesn’t mean that I know them.” The girl, Lisa, died laughing. Later Lisa and I were talking and I made a comment about the white people being at the church and Lisa said to me, “You’re not like them. You’re one of us.”

Some days out here I feel like I could leave and no one would notice that I was gone, like I haven’t made an impact on anyone. I often feel like I live here in Manderson but I am not a part of the community. It isn’t easy for an outsider, me, to be accepted into the community. It takes a long time for people to build trust. I don’t feel like I have been accepted into the community of Manderson, I have been accepted into Lisa’s community. She doesn’t see me as just another white person, I am her friend. I am a part of her community. She trusts me.

I leave this place in 4 weeks. It is hard to believe that time has gone by that quickly. I still feel like I have so much learn from my neighbors and from people at church. I have relationships that I want to deepen. I know that God is here and present. God will be with me as I start to say my goodbyes. I leave knowing though that for some people I came as an outsider and I will leave as an outsider. But for Lisa I came as an outsider and I am leaving a friend.

A Taste of Home

2010-03-18T19:33:00.000-06:00

This week is Spring Break. It has been amazing to have this week off since last week so busy with hosting Spring Break Greaterworks round 1 and next week is Spring Break Greaterworks round 2. On Monday I got the most wonderful package in the mail from a friend in Michigan. It contained lotion, chocolate, and other wonderful items. It was just the lift I needed from the tough week last week.

Also this week a group from Anderson University has been spending time in Allen. I had arranged before they came out to spend time with them. On Tuesday morning we went to the 555 in Whiteclay, NE to serve lunch at the Hands of Faith soup kitchen. It was so great to see the students from AU love the men and women from the streets. It was wonderful to see them have conversations with the people and pray with them. There were a couple of times where the people there made us laugh and a couple of times the people there had us on the border of tears.

After our time at the 555 we went to the Red Cloud Indian School for a tour and time in their art gallery. We learned some great information about the wonderful things that Red Cloud is doing. They have a high graduation rate and how they do a lot to educate their students about the culture of the Lakota people. They also have a wonderful art gallery. They encourage Native artists to express themselves through art. The gift shop at Red Cloud also sells locally made jewelry and other art work. They buy the things from the people directly and then sell in order to keep the gift shop running and the Heritage Center operating.

I stayed the night with the AU group and we beaded with some local ladies from the church in Allen. It was fun to hang out with my old friends from the church and new friends from AU. It was great to spend time with the students from Anderson. We chatted about things on campus and they inquired about my life out here. It is crazy to me to think that 4 years ago I took my first Spring Break trip out to Pine Ridge. It was great to share with the students about my journey on how I got out here. I am really excited because all of the students who came on the trip will be in Anderson next year. I will be in seminary next year at AU so I am going to have all of the students over for a meal.

Getting the package and spending time with the AU students brought a little taste of home to me.

Also I got an e-mail saying that I was accepted to School of Theology at Anderson University. I am so excited that it is official that I will get attending class there in the fall.

Wet Feet, Warm Soul

2010-03-13T15:47:00.001-07:00

I am sitting on my couch enjoying some potato chips with my kitty sleeping next to me. As I reflect about the past week and a half I realize that so much has happened. First there was so kitty trauma in our home. My dearest Jack was injured while falling off of my bed last week Wednesday around midnight. He hurt his back right leg and I think that it might have been more traumatic for me than for him. He cried and limped pitifully around the house. So Thursday morning I took Jack to the vet with the moral support of Katriina with me. He ended up being fine but I realized how much I care for him. Even though he is just a cat, he is my friend.

Also this past week my team and I hosted our first Spring Break group. We planned a great week for the students from Malone University. God had different plans though and gave us a blizzard that lasted for 3 days. Many of the cool and exciting things that we had planned had to be canceled because of the snow. Even though we had blizzard conditions and we warned not to travel by the police we still got work done. We helped out at the school, at my church, and at other churches in the Pine Ridge community. It was a week of 15 hours days and being on demand at all times. I am tired. I learned so much about myself though. It was hard and the things I learned about myself weren’t easy lessons to learn but I wouldn’t give up learning those lessons. I now see more clearly the love I have for my community and the people living here.

Today is probably the best day I have had this past week and a half. I just got back from the playground in Manderson. I went to Pinky’s to get some potato chips and I saw one of my students walking to the playground. So after I made my purchases I ventured over to the playground. I had on tennis shoes and I had to walk through thick, wet snow in order to get over it. So by the time I made it to my student my feet were soaking wet. Maurice, my student, greeted me with a hug and a huge smile. He then introduced me to all of his cousins that were there playing with him and his little sister and brother. I then sat on the bench and Maurice asked, “Teacher Emily are you going to watch us play?” as if it was such a foreign concept that an adult would willingly sit and be there with him. So I sat and watched him play and the other kids play. Soon all of the kids on the playground were saying, hey watch me or look at what I can do. Some would come and sit with me on the bench and engage me in conversation, others just wanted a hug. As I was leaving one of the girls asked if I would come back and play. I said yes, so we made a date to play again on Monday.

I love my community and I love the children who live here. I felt so blessed sitting there watching them play. Even though my feet were wet, my soul was warmed. I was physically uncomfortable but I felt so refreshed and blessed by being around those kids.

Spring is Coming!

2010-03-03T18:07:00.001-07:00

For the first time since I can remember I am ready to say goodbye to winter. I love winter. It is my favorite season. I love snow and cold and all the wonderful things that come from winter. This season has been hard. Winter seems like it has dragged on. I’m not sure if it’s because for the first time I haven’t been with my family or friends during winter or that I have been stuck in a home with not many things to do. I love my teammates don’t get me wrong, but there is only so much of two people that one can handle.

I’m ready for the newness of spring. For the leaves on the trees, kids playing outsides, birds chirping, and the ability to go outside without fears of freezing. I have experienced for the first time the winter blues. It gets dark early and it’s cold. It makes me want to stay in bed all day long and snuggle with my cat, Jack.

Today I got a glimpse of spring. While I was doing laundry at Pinky’s I walked over to the Post Office. I noticed that it is as if the community has come alive. Later I noticed in my own neighborhood that people who normally would stay in have ventured out, kids are riding their bikes, there are cute puppies playing down the street from me, and there is life here again.

My life here has become routine and yet even within my routine there are things that are not consistent. After missing several days of serving at the 555 in Whiteclay, last week I was able to go twice to serve. I spent time helping Bruce prepare for the upcoming summer season. Through the Lakota Crafters Co-Op Bruce runs a little store to sell hand-made Lakota products. Ranging from bead-work and quill-work (as in making things out of porcupine quills) to things made out of leather and my favorite the paintings and drawings. Bruce is lucky enough to know some very talented Lakota artists. One of them is named Joe and he has made beautiful paintings for posters that are used in print and advertising all over the reservation. Bruce also showed me an exquisite drawing done only with a blue ink pen. People out here have such talent that goes unseen by the majority of the world, except Bruce. He sees people’s God-given talent and gives them the opportunity find joy and pride in creating beautiful works of arts, art that expresses pain, joy, love, family, and a rarely seen Native American perspective. Last week I helped Bruce display this art, in hopes of selling it to people like me, so that he can buy more art and in turn the artist.

God is not done teaching me things that I need to learn about life out here. I am still learning patience with children who need love more than they need to know their alphabet. I am learning how to live and work with teammates. I am learning grace and unending forgiveness, even when I don’t think it is deserved. Thankfully with the coming of spring also comes the opportunity for me to experience new growth.

Happy Belated Valentine’s Day!

2010-02-17T18:30:00.002-07:00

Well another week has passed here on the Pine Ridge Reservation. Various things have happened this past week. Some things are worth noting and other things are best forgotten. One of the things noting is I had a Valentine’s Day party in my classroom. As I am learning anything involving children means there is some level of chaos. I am also learning that I don’t really like chaos. Regardless of the chaos our party was fun and the kids had a good time. We watched the classic movie Cinderella. I was given a valentines dog to give to each of the kids. I had more than one kindergartner ask me if the dog was theirs to keep. They all really loved their dog and it was clear to me that their dogs would hold a place of honor among their other toys. It was really cute to watch them try to pass out valentines, since they can’t read the other kids names. It was sweet when they would come up to me and ask, “Teacher who is this?”

Another thing worth noting about this past week there was a hoop dance teacher at the school. He taught the students how to hoop dance. I was amazed at the how much the students respected him. He was able to keep their attention and actually teach them about hoop dancing. I wish that all of the teachers in the school were able to keep the students respect like he did. He also taught them real life lessons while teaching them the dancing, like respecting one another, the earth, and the family.

My teammates and I had the opportunity to watch the opening ceremony of the Olympics at a friend’s house in Gordon, Nebraska. We had a great time and it was awesome to see what a high place the First Nations/ Native Americans held in the ceremony. I was able to watch it with a couple of Lakota women and they were proud to see their heritage displayed in such a way. I know that I was beaming with pride watching the native dancing and the place of honor that the native people held.

These are the kids with their stuffed dogs. The second picture is them trying to be silly.

From Couch to 5K

2010-02-11T18:28:00.001-07:00

I am currently running with a program called From Couch to 5K. It is designed to help people like me prepare their bodies to run in a 5K. Just to let you know I have never in worked out on a regular basis before. I always found excuses for not doing it. When I returned from Christmas break to Pine Ridge I was excited about working out. I was going to get fit before I moved back to Anderson for Seminary in the fall. I worked out for 3 weeks and then I stopped. I started again making excuses for myself. I don’t exactly live in a place where there is a gym that I can go work out at. There is snow on the ground and its cold outside so running there isn’t an option. The only place to run is in the school on the nights that we have open gym and in our basement. It gets really boring, really fast to run in circles for 20 minutes in a basement filled with mildew, black mold and other air born things. It is understandable for me not to want to work out. There are circumstances that I can’t control that make it easy for me to stop trying.

I have found the same thing has happened to me with my ministry out here. There are circumstances outside of my control that dictate to me what kind of ministry I can do. I told my boss earlier this week that I feel like I have checked out. Like there is nothing more that I can do here. The end is near and I might as well stop trying.

The From Couch to 5K running program increasing your running time and decreases your walking time every week, building up to running for 30 minutes. At the end of the program there is no break. It expects you to put in your best and makes your work the hardest in the final weeks. I convinced myself that since the end of my GreaterWorks internship was insight, I didn’t have to put any more work into building relationships out here. That is so wrong. I am leaving soon, so therefore I need to put more work into building relationships. Just because the end is near doesn’t mean I get a brake or get to slow down, just like with the running program I need to speed up and I need to work harder.

I just finished reading through the Gospel of Luke and I was reminded of all the people that crossed Jesus’ path in ministry. Some people he healed and they followed him for the rest of his earthly ministry but there are others he only spent moments with and then they departed ways. When Jesus came across people he didn’t tell them, sorry I won’t be here long so it’s really not worth my time or yours to invest in talking to you. No it was the total opposite. Look at the example of the Samaritan Woman at the well. Jesus only spent moments with her and it changed her life forever. In the grand scheme of life I only have moments left here in Manderson and I am given the opportunity to change people’s lives for Jesus.

I am going to use my time here, like how time is spent in the final weeks of the From Couch to 5K; I will be working hard and giving my best to the Lakota people. I will no longer find excuses or not working out and not putting my best in my ministry.

Bobcats, LOST, & a Sore Throat

2010-02-03T16:59:00.000-07:00

Well it’s Wednesday evening here in Manderson, which means a couple of things. First it’s blog day (hence the blog), second I will talk to my mom on the phone tonight, and third it’s just me and the cat in the house because Heather and Katriina are off in Pine Ridge. I enjoy my evening alone, it gives me time to think and process the things that happened over the past week.

One of the most exciting moments of my life took place this past week. While driving to Rapid City on Saturday I drove past a bobcat. It was sitting up about 50 feet or so from the edge of the road. Even though I only saw it for a moment, it was beautiful. I have never seen a cat in the wild before. Not including stray cats or the big cats at the zoo. I will never forget how majestic it looked. That is one of the things that I love about living out here, the wildlife and the scenery. The landscapes often take my breath away and obviously I love the wildlife.

Another thing that happened this week not just to me but to the whole world was the premiere of LOST. I have been a LOST fan since the very first episode. This season is going to be bitter sweet because it is the beginning of the end. This is the final season of LOST. I won’t bother you with all of the details of how amazing the premiere was.

My ministry sites have been pretty calm this past week. We had a day off school because of the wake funeral services. Also I have been fighting a really nasty sinus thing which has given me a really bad sore throat and zero energy. I didn’t go to school yesterday because of it. Generally though being in the classroom is less stressful now that the teacher has come back. I am actually enjoying myself, which is something I don’t think that I would have said 2 weeks ago about being in the classroom.

One of the most exciting things that my team is doing right now is planning for Spring Break trips. We will be hosting 2 different weeks and it has been both fun and a challenge to start to plan these. I am so excited to meet the college students who will be coming. I hope that we can be a real hope to those in need during those 2 weeks.

Every morning my teammates and I read a chapter of the Bible. Right now we are reading from the book of Hebrews. Let me leave you with this verse.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

Thanks Skype

2010-01-27T17:49:00.000-07:00

Well it has been an interesting week here in Manderson. I decided that so much has happened that I would just give a recap:

Kindergarten: Well life in kindergarten is difficult, to say the least. I would like to say that nothing shocks me but the children’s lack of respect for adults is shocking. I find myself speechless because I don’t know what to do about it. We had parent-teacher conferences that week and I went to help out with crafts that they were having for kids while the parents were in conferences and some I ended up in my classroom, doing parent-teacher conferences by myself. The aide Denise was busy getting things ready for the concessions to sell. I have never been the teacher in parent-teacher conferences, but somehow I managed to pull through and I only had to talk to a few parents. Also there is a huge praise in my class, MY TEACHER CAME BACK!!!!!!!! I am no longer the teacher or sub in the classroom; I am just the volunteer aide. I love that I no longer have the responsibility that comes with being the teacher. Also it makes a huge difference having a trained educator teaching rather than me, someone who knows nothing about teaching 5 year olds.

Women’s Retreat: Last weekend my teammates and I had the privilege of going on a women’s retreat at Heather’s church. It was so great to be with a group of godly women, both white and native. While at the retreat we made Raggedy Ann dolls. It was fun to see how everyone was given the same pattern and pieces and yet everyone’s doll turned out differently. It was really fun to see my teammates sew and embroider, areas in which my skills are very limited. I am so glad that I had an opportunity to go.

While at times life out here is really difficult I am reminded that I have people here and other places that love me and encourage me. I am eternally grateful to Skype and the fact that it’s free. It allows me to keep up with my very dear friend, Ashley, who is a nanny in Jackson, WY, my friend my High School Tressa, my friend Lauren, who is getting married, and my friend Jennifer, who is a teacher in Mexico. Also facebook has been a great avenue to keep up with other very wonderful friends. Life out here doesn’t seem so dark when I get to chat or talk with the people who know me best.

Good Days and Bad Days

2010-01-20T18:56:00.001-07:00

Last week I had a bad day. After my bad day on Wednesday I received some great guidance from my teammate Heather. She told me to speak to the principal about what was going on in the Kindergarten classroom. I followed Heather’s advice and spoke to the principal. She listened to me graciously and was also concerned about the situation in my classroom. Later in the day she came and spoke to the other aide and me about how to better work in the classroom. She also made the decision that the aide Denise was the one responsible for the children’s education. Since that meeting, life in kindergarten has gotten easier. I also feel less responsible for what is going on in there.

I love my church, I feel like I can’t say that enough. I taught Sunday school this past week about the miracle of the feeding of the 5,000, I choice it to teach the children that story because God can choose any one at any age to perform a miracle. God used a small boy, like the children in my Sunday School class, to perform a great miracle.

Also I got a package today in the mail. It came with popcorn, cookie mix, candy, and hot chocolate. Also it came with a wonderful daily devotional. It is really nice to feel the love that others have for me outside of life here. Also some advice came in the package and that was to curl up, watch a movie, and have some chocolate. So that is what I am doing. I’m watching Mansfield Park and there is nothing a good Jane Austin movie can’t fix.

Thanks for the prayers, the encouraging thoughts, and the phone calls this past weeks. It makes a huge difference in my day when I realize that there are people out there who are thinking about me and praying for me because honestly life out here isn’t easy. God is speaking to me through all of you and the love that you send me.God is providing for me and he is all I need.

Psalm 46

2010-01-13T20:25:00.001-07:00

Today I had a good cry over the phone with my mom about a variety of things, one of them being Haiti. I cried because I have been there. I have seen the poverty in the small faces of the children. I have held children whose mother’s do not have enough money to put diapers on them or shoes on their feet. I cried because now some of those mother’s no longer have their children and some of those children no longer have mother’s to hold them or houses to live in or clean water to drink.

I also cried to my mom today because of my situation at the school. My teacher who was gone and then came back is gone again. This time he has gone to alcohol treatment and he will be gone until February. Instead of the school asking him to make lesson plans or hiring a sub to teach, the aide Denise and I are flying by the seat of our pants every morning to come up with something for the children to learn. I cried because I know that the children in my class are getting a sub-standard education. I cried because the responsibility of teaching them overwhelms me. I feel like I can’t do it. I’m not educated as a teacher and yet I am faced with a self-inflicted responsibility to teach. I am the one who makes me feel guilty because the children are not getting a good education. I cried because I can’t handle the pressure that I am putting me under.

Before I left for Christmas we had a Christmas party in my class and I got to see the kids open presents. For a few students in my class the presents they got at the party might be the only ones that got. I cried today because I have so much love for the faces that I saw light open when they opened simple presents. For the faces that bring so much joy to my life, when they tell me things like, “Teacher I like you.” I cried because I get told by kids every day that I’m mean because I enforce rules or try to create order in a classroom surrounded by chaos.

I cried because I have only been back here since Saturday and already I feel as though I can’t do it. I cried because I feel like I am failing at almost everything.

My mom told me to get over myself. She said that God is with me and that He will take care of me. Focusing on things I cannot change won’t do any good, I need to focus on the one thing I can change and that’s my attitude. Finally I cried because I knew that my mom was right. Then I found Psalm 46 and it seemed like I didn’t need to cry anymore.

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. Be still, and know that I am God… The Lord Almighty is with us; The God of Jacob is our fortress.” Psalm 46: 1-3, 10, and 11.

Heart Crushing

2009-12-13T17:55:00.002-07:00

The other day I was watching the TV show “Bones.” If you’ve never seen it I would recommend it. The main characters were talking about a Mother having to bury her son alone on Christmas day. Bones said, “Isn’t it heart breaking that she has to bury her son alone?” Booth replied, “You are the one who always says that the heart can’t break because it’s a muscle. It has to be crushed.” Bones then said, “Well isn’t it heart crushing.”

I feel like heart crushing sounds so much more powerful than heart breaking. It’s like the heart can’t take any more pain, sorrow, hurt, or loneliness, so it’s crushed. The other night I feel like my heart was crushed. I was driving back late at night from my friends house in Nebraska and I had to drive through White Clay. As I was nearing the edge of town I looked out my window and I saw a man curled up on the side walk attempting to sleep. His head was hidden inside his jacket and he moved uncomfortably on the sidewalk. My heart was crushed. I wish that I would have had something to give to him, a blanket, a warm hat, anything.

I am not usually moved by what I see in White Clay. When I go on Tuesdays and Thursdays I have learned to shut off my emotions to the homeless and the intoxicated native people that pass me by. I have seen poverty before. I’ve been to India and seen people live on the street. I’ve been to Haiti the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. I think that I have become callused to the poverty but something about last night crushed my heart. There is something about seeing a man struggling to sleep on the cold hard cement sidewalk in single digit weather that pulls at my heart. I no longer want to be callused to poverty, to people struggling to stay alive. I know longer want to look into the faces of the people of White Clay and just see another Native who has fallen under the power of alcohol. I want to look into those faces and see children of the living God, people who are loved by their father in heaven.

My heart has been crushed and it might take a while to heal but I’m glad it’s been crushed. For too long it’s been hard and unresponsive to the things in this world. I hope that it gets crushed more and more. I never again want to look and not feel pain. Because pain will bring change to my life and God wants me to change into a woman who is more like her Creator and less like this world.

Sickness and No School

2009-12-09T21:10:00.003-07:00

I feel like my life has been consumed recently with being sick and well not going to school. As for the sickness I started feeling really bad Monday at school so I went home a little early. I went to a doctor in Martin that evening and it turns out I had some bacterial infection or really bad stomach bug. I felt totally wiped out from it. I was weak and tired. I feel much better today; the antibiotics that the doctor gave me are really working. Praise God! Also recently at the school we have had a lot of days off. Like last week we only went to school once. Around here school gets canceled for funerals and wake services. There is no other place in the community for such an event to take place so the school gets used. Lakota tradition also states that someone must be with the body all the time and the wake services happen two days prior to the funeral, so the whole process ends up being 3 days. It makes of a lot of school being canceled.

On Saturday a girl named Jessica and her family brought out a trailer full of winter coats, boots, clothes, and books to give out in the community. Jessica had spent a week out here in the summer and fell in love with the community of Manderson. She had a strong desire to help make a change. I always find it encouraging when teenagers step up to make a difference. So it falls on my teammates and I to distribute the clothing. When they brought the boxes there were around 25, and all stacked my living room. So until we leave for home for Christmas break my living room has turned into a clothing distribution center. So far we have gotten rid of around 5 boxes worth of clothing. The amazing thing is we just started to tell a few people that we had these coats and clothing to give to anyone who had a need. So people have come and word has spread. One woman came to get clothing for her six children and she is due any day with her seventh. Her son is in my kindergarten class. She told me as she was leaving that I was a lifesaver. Another woman that I know from the school named Lea came and got winter coats, boots, gloves, and snow pants for the ten children living in her home. She took on her sisters kids to care for on top of her own. She said you don’t know what a difference this makes. I look out into my living room and I see a burden. I feel like my life has been consumed with all of this clothing and I get overwhelmed trying to think of ways to get rid of it. I focus so much on myself and how this affects me. I forget what a blessing this has been to people. What is a burden to me can change someone’s life. I need to remind myself to see my living room over flowing with boxes as a blessing not as a burden. I need to set my selfish desires aside and give a gift of a warm coat to someone in need.

My living room full of clothes.

Living Intentionally

2009-12-02T18:44:00.000-07:00

Ever since I got back from my weekend with my friend Ashley I have made a conscience decision to live intentionally in the community of Manderson. I know that when I came out here I told myself and many other people that my intention was to live intentionally in a community on the Pine Ridge Reservation and to love my neighbors and show them God’s love. Before I came out here I thought that I knew what it would be like to live on the rez and to do ministry here. I spent a summer here 2 years ago and I thought that I knew how it would be like to live here. Living here and working at the school has been so much harder than I thought that it would be. I have been hit with waves of loneliness, despair, and hopelessness. Thankfully these waves of emotions don’t last very long but I think they have caused me to live cautiously in the community. I have guarded my heart and not made myself vulnerable to people for fear of rejection.

I have decided to put that all aside. In the sermon that Pastor Stanley Hollow Horn gave on Sunday he said that God called me to this place, one of the poorest counties in the USA, to serve as his spokesperson. This got me to thinking, how can I be God’s spokesperson if I haven’t invited anyone to church or told people why I’m really here? I have to live intentionally in this community of Manderson and tell people about Jesus. I might be the only Christian that some of these people know. So since my return I have been living intentionally. I’m going to be taking a girl named Josiah to church with me on Sunday and when given the opportunity to love on someone I do it and I put my selfish desires aside. This is where it begins.

Another way for me to live intentionally is to let the readers of this blog know that I need financial support to be out here. It is hard for me to ask people for money to help support me in this endeavor; I get afraid of being rejected. I sent out support letters when I first arrived here in Manderson and the fundraising has been coming in but I am coming up a little short. I need to raise $3,000 for my internship. This money helps cover training, food, my stipend, transportation, and other things. Would any of you this holiday season be willing to join my support team? God has provided so much for me already and I have faith that God will provide the rest. If you would like to support me you can give online at this address- http://www.greaterworks.us/connect/interns/?intern=54. There are also instructions to give through the mail if you would like to send in your donation. God has called me to live intentionally and in faith while I out here and I have faith that God is speaking to one or more of you to help make my experience out here possible. Thank you.

A couple of prayer requests-
I have a doctor’s appointment on Friday
Team relationships
The upcoming Christmas season for the community of Manderson to find Christ in Christmas

In a Sea of White Faces

2009-11-25T19:56:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I was blessed with the opportunity to see my best friend from college Ashley Fletcher. We spent the weekend in Casper, WY, not quite halfway between Manderson and Jackson Hole, WY where Ashley is a nanny. We were able to stay with a wonderful couple, Mona and Milo who are Anderson University alumni and Milo is one of the pastors at the Church of God in Casper. Ashley and I had a wonderful in Casper and it was just the retreat that I needed to recharge my ministry batteries.

On Sunday night I drove back to Jackson Hole with Ashley and then I flew out on Monday morning. I had a layover in Denver and as I was sitting there waiting for my plane I noticed that I was in a sea of white faces. It made me feel really uncomfortable. For the past 8 or 9 weeks I have been in a place where I have been the minority. In a place where I look around and I see beautiful brown faces. Faces that have experienced more pain that I have, faces that see life differently than I do, and most of all faces that I have come to love. It was strange being in the airport as a part of the majority again, I have never felt so alone. I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb, like I was a minority. I looked at the white faces that surrounded me and I felt distanced from them, I felt a yearning to be in a place where there were brown faces, native faces. It was great to come home to Manderson, to rejoin my class. To be back in a place where I look around and see people who I have come to love.

The longer that I am out here the more I feel at home and at peace. God has placed me here not to struggle or to be homesick but to stretch me and to break me. My heart is broken day after day for my students, for my neighbors, and for my community. Today one of the boys in my class called me an idiot. I told him firmly that he is not allowed to speak to adults like that. He told me, you’re not an adult, you’re just a woman. My heart is broken because at 5 years old this little boy believes that women are not worthy to be respected. At 5 years old he has already learned behaviors from some influential male in his life that may lead to a life of abuse. I am heart broken by the harsh realities that such small children live in and yet I am I reminded daily that there is hope. Hope will never be lost and although it might seem small, hope is powerful. The only hope that can bring real change is the hope that is found in Jesus Christ. Opportunities to share about who Jesus is are always present. The other day in class I was given such an opportunity. Occasionally when students finish their work early they are allowed to pick out a book a read it (reading mainly consists of looking at the pictures). One student brought me a book that she had picked out and asked me to read it to her. The book was called, “The Miracles of Jesus.” I’m not sure how such a book came to be in the class room but however it came to be there it must have been an act of God. I read that book to her and another student proudly. At one point the little girl pointed to the pictured and asked if that was Jesus, and I said yes. This student was captivated by the stories of Jesus miracles and how such a man could heal people and bring them back from the dead.

God gives us all little moments to share the love of Jesus with people. We can’t run from these moments because of fear or ignore them but we need to embrace every moment, because we might not get another one. I am learning to love the faces of the people that I see and to share Gods love with them and most importantly not to waste an moment that I’m given.

What a week

2009-11-18T17:57:00.001-07:00

Wow what a week. This past week has been one of my most stressful weeks out here so far.
Being Kindergarten has been really difficult recently. On Thursday the principal called me into her office to talk to me. The old fears of being called down to the office were felt once again. I thought that I was in trouble. I racked my brain on the walk down to her office but I couldn’t think of any reason why I would be in trouble. When I got into her office she asked me to close the door, oh no. I sat down and she told me that the teacher who was supposed to be teaching my class had been absent from school no show no call for eight days now. She said that he would not be invited back to school until he went through treatment for alcohol abuse, so he would be out at least a month. Then she dropped a bombshell on me, she ask if I would like to be the permanent sub for the class. She told me that she saw a natural teacher in me and asked if I had any educational training. I do not have an education degree or have even taken an education class; I studied the Bible in college. I felt very honored that she even asked me to consider taking the position but it came with a huge responsibility.

After making myself sick with stress and worry over the weekend, I finally decided that God was telling me not to take the teaching position. I was going to be too much for me and it’s not why I came out here. Taking that permanent substitute position would taking a full-time job and I would have to quit at my other places of service. It turns out that the principal was very supportive of my choice and told me that she had chosen someone else to teach. Although there is supposed to be another permanent sub coming in I haven’t seen her yet. So yesterday and today I taught in the morning again in the class. I guess I have been teaching in there for a couple of weeks now. Denise and I figure out worksheets for the kids to go through and I teach the class about them. I’m looking forward to being lifted of that responsibility.

On another note my teammate Heather brought an article to my attention that was in the NY Times and it contained pictures from a national geographic photographer. The photographer has spent a considerable amount of time in Manderson and on Pine Ridge. He had taken some amazing pictures of the harsh realities of life out here. Also in addition to the article if you choose to read it I want to add in no way do I feel unsafe here in Manderson. http://lens.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/10/20/behind-22/

Also I leave tomorrow to spend a long weekend in Casper, WY with one of my best friends from Anderson University, Ashley Fletcher. I am so excited to have a small mini vacation and to spend time with her.

Blessings

2009-11-08T21:09:00.001-07:00

The past couple of days I have spent time reflecting on all the small blessings from God. Here is just a recap:

Kindergarten Class- Recently I have been used more by my teacher and I really feel like I am able to use my gifts and skills alongside his. I am also finding ways to reward my students for good behavior and not always focus on their bad behavior, it amazing what a blessing positive reinforcement can be. A student in my class is also learning how to write her name. It is a struggle for her because she does not have support at home but I smile every time she gets a couple of letters correct in writing her name.

Open Gym- On Friday night we had the best over gym that we have had so far. It started with only 5 boys who just wanted to play a game of two on two basketball, with one of the guys watching. Katriina and I were lost for what to do because they were playing so well together, so we decided to commentate on the game. When they would make a shot we would shout and cheer for them and commentate on who handled the ball. At one point of the boys made a shot and we said the crowd went wild. All of the guys playing looked over at us and smiled. That was enough for me. It was like their silent way of saying, “Thanks. We appreciate that you having fun watching us and that you care enough to make the game fun for us.”

Wounded Knee Church of God- Today at after church a meal was given, not by the church but by a family in the congregation. Sylvia the pastor’s wife explained to me that it is called a Wopila. It is a meal of thanksgiving. The husband of this family was gravely ill and was in a comma. His wife stayed by his side and prayed for him daily, this man was not a Christian. When he woke from his comma, he started praying and praising God. He has since become a Christian. This family wanted to show how thankful they were to God for healing this husband and father, so they provided a meal at the church. A Wopila, as explained to me, is usually given if a veteran returns from war or someone gets out of the hospital. Sylvia told me that the family pays for everything, the paper plates, cups, bowls, the plastic silverware, the food, and too do this it’s usually a financial sacrifice. That I shouldn’t feel bad for eating it but I should rejoice with them and be thankful with them that their father and husband was healed and is now a Christian. How powerful would it be if Wopila was practiced in the white church? God truly blessed me through the Wopila and seeing the beauty in celebrating as a community, no matter how much the cost.

And the Levites—Jeshua, Kadmiel, Bani, Hashabneiah, Sherebiah, Hodiah, Shebaniah and Pethahiah—said: "Stand up and praise the LORD your God, who is from everlasting to everlasting. Blessed be your glorious name, and may it be exalted above all blessing and praise. You alone are the LORD. You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, and all their starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give life to everything, and the multitudes of heaven worship you.
Nehemiah 9:5-6

Happy November!

2009-11-05T16:12:00.002-07:00

Wow what a couple of weeks this has been. It’s been really crazy around here the past couple of weeks.
• Weather- Last week Thursday we had a snow day. Also Wednesday school was let out early and Friday there was a two hour delay. We had about five inches of wet, heavy snow. When it was coming down it reminded me slightly of lake effect snow from home in Michigan and that got me really excited. On Friday though the snow started to melt and we had beautiful weather for Halloween. Today it’s 70 degrees outside. Katriina and I had a wonderful walk outside today to the Post Office and last week we were snowed in.
• Activities- Last week Friday the school host a masquerade Pow Wow. I think that it’s safe to say that it is one of the craziest cultural experiences that I’ve ever had. It was traditional Lakota drum music that is played at Pow Wows and the dancing was traditional but instead of wearing traditional clothes the participants were dressed in masks and crazy Halloween costumes. It was such a strange blend of the traditional and the holiday. We also had a fair number of trick or treaters for Halloween. It was really fun to see kids from my class dressed in their costumes. It was awesome to be a part of the community in that aspect.

Snow Day

2009-10-29T13:47:00.002-06:00

Today on October 29, 2009 we have a snow day. Isn't that crazy. So far we have enjoyed a lazy day all snuggled inside. Here are a couple of pictures of the snow.

Pictures

2009-10-27T19:15:00.003-06:00

I decided that I need to post some pictures. So here is a variety.

God Provides

2009-10-25T23:34:00.002-06:00

This week as been a week of doing things that I was not prepared for. God has been giving me opportunities to grow and expand who I am by putting me on the spot. God is showing me that the things that I normally depend on are not necessary because God provides in everything that God has called me to do.

At the school this past week the teacher in my class room did not show up at all. While this might seem really crazy to most of you and it is still crazy to think about for me, this has happened before with this teacher. Thankfully I work with two wonderful Lakota women in the class room. They are Leah and Denise and they are the full time Kindergarten assistants. They really care about the kid’s education and have a strong desire to see them learn. Well, when the teacher didn’t show up Leah asked me to teach the kids. I had done this before but this week I did it every day. I was able to read to the kids and help them write their numbers and letters. I wish I could cut myself in 17 different pieces to be able to work with each of the kids in my class individually. It is so hard because I see how much they succeed when I work with them individually but at the same time there are usually 15 other kids saying, “Teacher, teacher, teacher.” So far the kids are also respecting my authority more and I haven’t been hit or kicked in a while, which is an answer to prayer. I am now able to take command of the class and they listen to me. So keep the prayers coming.

This week I have also been really active at the Wounded Knee Church of God. There was a youth group from a Church of God in Casper, WY that brought out a bunch of clothes and mainly jackets to giveaway to people in the community. On Saturday they went around Wounded Knee village and they picked up kids. The youth in the group each picked a kids and they took them “shopping” through the donated clothes and helped them pick out a jacket and other things. It was really neat to see how the children connected with the youth group. I saw that my leadership skills came in handy when there was a child walking around aimlessly and I was able to place a youth with that child. Also Stanley and Sylvia were busy and so they were unable to be present with the group, so I filled in and helped about leading the group and working with some local people who came through. Also a member of the church passed away early Saturday morning, from a long battle with lung cancer. Her name was Verla. Her sister is the other Sunday School teacher, Julie who I have befriended. I taught Sunday School today and I didn’t know I was teaching until about 10 minutes before church started. I will most likely teach by myself for quite a while Julie mourns the loss of her sister. Today I taught about Daniel and the Lion’s Den. They made Lion paper bag puppets and acted out the story. I think that I’ll find the hardest thing with teaching Sunday School is that I’ll have ages 2 to 13. I am finding it hard to teach something that is relevant to all of the ages. Also tonight I went to a memorial service for Verla. At the end of the service Pastor Stanley called upon me to say something to the family. I was not prepared but I felt like God gave me the right words to say. One thing that I love about being at the Wounded Knee Church of God is that Stanley and Sylvia trust me to pray or to speak at any occasion. God always gives me the words to say and provides even when I haven’t prepared anything.

On Friday we had no school so we decided to do something fun. Heather and Katriina had never been to the Badlands or Wall Drug so we took a road trip. We had a great time in the badlands and we were even able to catch the sunset over the badlands at the end of the day, it was amazing! Also we ventured to Wall Drug the world’s largest drug store. We were able to get buffalo burgers and have a little break from life while we enjoyed the insanity that is Wall Drug.

I just have one prayer request for this week. Please keep the family of Verla in your prayers. She left 5 children, some grandkids, a loving husband, and a close knit family of sisters. Her wake will be Wednesday and Thursday and her funeral will be Friday.

One Month

2009-10-20T13:11:00.005-06:00

Wow I can’t believe that I have been in Manderson for a month. It seems like it has been so much longer than that. I feel like time out here on the Rez slows down. Relationships and people are more important than getting tasks done and I’ve found that I really take the time now to get to know people, whereas before I was more tasks focused.
Well a lot has happened since I last had a chance to blog. Here is a recap:

Wounded Knee Elementary School-
Working in the Kindergarten classroom has improved greatly. It appears that the kids trust me now because they know that I’ll be here for a while. It has been amazing this past week to see their behavior improve and not to have them test me as much. Also recently I have been taking more leadership in my classroom. The teacher has been out the past couple of days and the other assistants have asked me to step up and teach the kids. Now I use the word teach loosely. I have no educational experience; I just know the right games to use to help teach the kids their letters and their numbers. I thank my niece Audrey, who is 5, for showing me the best games at pbskids.org. Today I was facilitating a letter game with them and there was complete silence in the room and all of the kids attention was focused on me, this have never happened before. They were captivated and they were learning. Praise God for the Cookie Monster and educational games.

555 White Clay-
On Saturday 555 held their first Fall Festival, where furniture, appliances, arts & crafts, and clothes were sold at reasonable prices. There were also games for kids and a free lunch given out. One of the coolest parts of the day was at noon there was a diaper giveaway. Over $1200 worth of diapers were given away. It was really cool because Bruce gave an amazing prayer before the giveaway and he gave the Gospel message. I had a great time talking with people and getting to know a woman named Norma. Norma is going to start a quilting business where she will teach Lakota women how to quilt. The 555 serves as a business incubator for her business. I am excited to work with her in the future.

Wounded Knee Church of God-
On Sunday I started teaching Sunday School at church. I am really excited to be getting more involved there. I am going to be teaching the older kids in the Sunday School. I asked them what they wanted to be learning and they said Daniel and Jesus. So I am going to start with Daniel and the Lions Den, and focus on courage and I am going to go through some parables of Jesus.

Neighbors-
Last week we had our first neighbor over for dinner. Her name is Lois and she lives behind us. After preparing a great meal of ham and mashed potatoes we were prepared at the time we told her for dinner but she didn’t come over until an hour after she was supposed to be here. After getting over my initial frustrations and the fact that the food was cold by the time we ate it, we had a great time with her. Lois had amazing stories to tell and it was great to listen to her. I am excited to get know her further.

Hiking-
My teammates and I celebrated our Sunday Sabbath by hiking up Camel’s Back Rock Cliff. It was possibly the last nice day of the year and the weather couldn’t have been better. It was so beautiful and it was such a good reminder of God’s beauty. It was also a great team bonding. We had fun singing at the top of our lungs on the walk down and making silly videos while we were on the top. It was also amazing how we encouraged each other to keep going when the hike got ruff. We didn’t leave anyone behind.

Well I’m sure a thousand other things have happened that I could blog about but this is all I can think of for now. Thanks for the prayers, keep them coming.

Three Weeks Have Passed

2009-10-10T18:47:00.002-06:00

Wow three weeks ago today my team and I arrived in Manderson and we started our life out here. Things have been moving really quickly and I finally feel like I am settled in my schedule and what my life and time will look like. So I decided to do a quick recap about everything that I am involved in and what I’m doing with each thing.

Wounded Knee Elementary School-

Kindergarten Assistant: This has been both a challenge and a blessing. While the kids in my class are really cute and adorable they are also holy terrors. The challenging aspect comes with discipline; it is obvious that some children can get away with anything at home. I have one girl in my class named Rita and every time she doesn’t get her way, like being in the front of the line, she throws herself on the floor, kicks, screams, cries, and pushes chairs, tables, or other students. I also have another student in my class named Amaris who is a smart and loving child when she wants to be but she doesn’t listen to me at all. I have been kicked and hit by her multiple times. She also told me that she hates me. The blessings come from the more quiet students who give me hugs or who are grateful for help. There is a student named Maurice who is so sweet and kind, he sits next to me every day during lunch. I know that being in that room with those kids is right where God wants me to be, and while it is a challenge I know that I will learn amazing things from it.

Open Gym: Between Heather, Katriina, and I we host open gym twice a week at the school. This has been an awesome experience because it has given us an opportunity to connect with the older kids in the community and in the school. It is also amazing how quickly the word about who we are has traveled through the school because of open gym, I’ll have kids say, “Hi Emily” to me at lunch and I have no idea who they are.

555 White Clay-

So far I have only volunteered here twice and it has been different both times. It is such a contrast from the school and I find the work so refreshing. The first day that I was there I helped move stuff from one side of the room to another, and cleaned off a couple of shelves. Thursday when Heather and I helped we picked pumpkins and gourds in the community garden that is run by 555. This year they planted only things that could be used in crafts for local crafters. I love the idea of helping local Lakota artisans. I look forward to getting to know the people who craft.

Life is Scared or Wiconi Un Wicaki Pan Pi-

This is a group that operates in Manderson to do suicide prevention. They run healthy programs and promote the Lakota culture. I am super excited to be involved in such an incredible organization. I will help run monthly activities and participate in bi-monthly meetings.

Another Tough Day

2009-10-07T12:13:00.002-06:00

Ah alas today was yet another tough day in the land of Kindergarten. Today, the other two aids in the class were gone and so I was left to help out the teacher with the students. Usually when the bad kids don't listen to me I left the other aids take care of them but today that was not an option. So when I attempted to remove a students from the computer that she was working on because she was not listening, she threw herself on the floor and starting hitting and kicking me. Then she proceeded to go over the the paper shelf and throw papers all around when I attempted to stop her from doing that she almost bit me. At that point I gave up and went back to the two remaining students at the computers and let the teacher deal with her finally. Her consequence to her actions was staying inside during recess, which helped me because the only other students were crazy on the playground.

One good thing about today was a new student named Mary. She was so nice and sweet and listened to me. In Lakota language class I has a student through a container of crayons in the room. Mary ran right over to me and started to pick up the crayons I didn't even ask her to. She also sat next to me at lunch and she told me that she liked me, I said I like you too Mary.

I also found out that like 5 or 6 students in my class have fetal alcohol syndrome.

Not an Easy Day

2009-10-05T13:18:00.002-06:00

Today was not the best day in kindergarten. I was hit, kicked, and yelled at by a couple of the students. Their lack of respect shocks me and also saddens me. I want them to like me and to respect me. I am also saddened by the fact that some of them know so little. I was working with a little girl today named Christiana and trying to help her with the alphabet on a computer program. I would show her a letter and ask her what it was. She always got it wrong even after I would repeat what it was. It didn't matter how many times I show her the letter and how many times I told her what it was she still got it wrong. I got so frustrated. I felt like I was getting know where with her. I very totally unequipped from this job. I don't know how to teach.

Please pray for God to give me the wisdom and the knowledge to teach the kids.

Beautiful Country

2009-10-02T18:23:00.000-06:00

I am sitting in my living room looking out the window and I am reminded at how lucky I am to be in such a beautiful place. Every time I go outside and look around I can't help but make a remark about the beautiful landscape that surrounds the community of Manderson. I often find it a tragedy that while I'm remarking about how beautiful it is a piece of trash blows by in the wind. The littering out here is terrible and it makes my heart sink that there is little regard for the land. Another nice thing about being about here is the clean air. There are no factories to create pollution and there is no such thing as smog.

Tomorrow is the two week mark of me being here. Its really starting to feel like home. I am encouraged that the kids at the school are starting to get to know me. Its crazy because kids I haven't even met know my name and say hi to me. Fifth grade and under all eat lunch together and the kindergarten table is near the line for lunch, some kids who go through the line say "Hi Emily." At first I was disappointed that I was working in a kindergarten class because I really wanted to get to know the older kids, now I realize that just my presence in the school is making a difference.

Life in Kindergarten

2009-09-29T12:47:00.000-06:00

I just got back from my second day of school and who knew helping in kindergarten class for three hours a day would be so tiring. I have decided to work 15 hours a week in the school instead of 10. I found out the first day that my help was well appreciated and so I knew that giving an extra hour a day wouldn't be too bad. So far I have been working closely with girls named Anges and Amaris. While they are both smart kids but Amaris doesn't listen at all. It has been really hard for me to now my place when it comes to disciplining the kids, besides the teacher there are two other helpers in the classroom. One of my favorite parts about helping in the school is taking the kids to Lakota class. It is nice that it is being taught Lakota at a kindergarten level.

Last night we (my teammates and I) hosted our first open gym at the school. Its from 5 pm to 8 pm and for the first hour and a half we have 3-5th graders and the second hour and a half we have 6-8th graders. For the second half I laid down the law at the beginning so the kids would know their boundaries, my teammate Katriina told me later that she was glad that I was there with her. I know that I am a good disciplinarian and the kids found that out real quickly too. The kids played basketball, dodge ball, and volleyball. It was really awesome to see them play so well together.

Life in our little home has gotten a lot better also, we know have beds, two comfy chairs, and a love seat. I am starting to really like it out here in Manderson.

Starting to Get Settled

2009-09-25T17:49:00.000-06:00

This past week has been wild. Its hard to believe that I've only been in Manderson for 6 days. So far we have traveled to Rapid City to get supplies, including an awesome orange high back wing chair. We have gone from a house with nothing to having a table and chairs, a rug, 1 comfy chair, some beds on the way and a love seat and another comfy chair on the way. It is amazing that God has worked through people to get us the things that we need to live comfortably.

On Wednesday night we helped out at the community night at the school. They had movies and bingo. It was fun to play volleyball with the some of the kids before the movie started. Katriina and I walked out side to supervise and we were immediately asked to join a game. It was so much fun to just jump in a hit the ball back and forth between teams. Also we have made friends with our postmaster at the post office named Janis. She is a very kind woman. A couple of the girls who live next door have also been over to play the last couple of nights. Their names are Arlene, Lane, and Samantha. We baked cookies with them the other night and it was lots of fun.

I start at the school on Monday and I'll be working 10 hours a week in a kindergarten classroom. Also I am going to be starting the week after next at 555 White Clay which works with local Lakota craftsmen and women. I hope to also get involved with a church near Manderson.

I am looking forward to tomorrow night, I'll be sleeping on a bed for the first time in a week and a half.

Prayer Requests:
-God's direction in where I should serve
-Teammate dynamics

Address

2009-09-23T14:49:00.000-06:00

Hey friends out there in the real world, just kidding this is the real world too :) I just got my address here in Manderson so that means you can send me packages, letters, cards, and anything else you might be able to imagine. Also if you fancy the telephone over pen and paper here is my number- 605-867-5108, although I'm not sure if my phone is up and working yet. I also got access to the internet today, praise God... so that means my blog will be updated more regularly and I will answer e-mails in a more prompt fashion.

Emily Clark
P.O. Box 288
Manderson, SD 57756

My new home

2009-09-21T14:56:00.000-06:00

Lets see my team and I finally made it to Pine Ridge. My teammates are Heather and Katriina. We are getting settled into our new home in Manderson. We are staying in a home provided by the Wounded Knee Elementary School its in the teachers/staff housing around by the school. It is a large 3 bedroom house. We spent the day yesterday cleaning and making the place more a home. The only problem is that we have no furniture. Its amazing how quickly you take for granted that fact that you have some where to sit. Right now we are sleeping on air mattresses and sitting on old towels on the floor. Thankfully we have kitchen supplies from the YouthWorks (the organize that is over GreaterWorks) storage. We have some beds on the way and we are searching for a couch, chairs, and a dinning room table.

Also we have been working really hard at getting to know the different organizations that are working with community and here on the Pine Ridge Reservation. It is amazing how God is working through different people to do the Lord's work. I have loved spending the past two days talking with ministers and different Christian leaders in the community.

Sunday for church we went to two different services. At 9 am we attended a Catholic Mass at the only church in Manderson, St. Agnus. The priest Father Phil has a heart for the community of Manderson and his homily was about not being the greatest but being like children. He shared a story about a friend of his who went to Haiti and he met a volunteer there who was working with orphans. He went on to share that the volunteer had originally committed to work for 2 months in the orphanage but he had been there for two years. He looked at the friend of the priest and said that he could not leave because he saw Jesus in the face of every child in Haiti and every malnourished face. His message spoke right to me. I got chills while he was speaking. I have never been to a Mass before and if you cut me open I bleed Church of God but I learned in that service that God can speak to you even in liturgy that you might not understand.

The other service that we went to was vastly different from the Catholic Mass. The Pastor is Lakota and everyone who attended his church, The Peace Gospel Fellowship, were also Lakota except another white young women and my teammates and I. His service was more like the ones I have attended in the past. I did not feel like God spoke to me as clearly in the service but the Pastor is someone who I look forward to getting to know further.

I can't believe how long these past two days have felt. We have only been on Pine Ridge since Saturday afternoon but it has felt like we have been here for weeks. Right now I am obligated to work 3 to 4 hours at week the Wounded Knee school and I am exploring other volunteer opportunities. I have looked into several places and I feel very overwhelmed with need. It seems like every place I have visited could use me and I could work 70 hours a week volunteering.

I have a couple of prayer requests:
-I really need God to lead to where I'm supposed to serve. I feel very overwhelmed and it is quite stressful trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do.
-For the team dynamics with my group. I want to live a purposeful community with Heather and Katriina and the only way that can happen is if its Holy Spirit lead.
-For people in the community to love us and for us to love people in the community.

Flying into the Unknown

2009-09-15T11:29:00.000-06:00

I am reminded as a prepare to board my second flight of the day how much I actually hate flying. I hate short flights and I hate long flights even more. Every time I get on a plane I question whether the plane will actually stay in the air. See I don't know how a plane works. Some of you might be saying well blah blah blah (explanation of how a plane works). I'm sure its been explained to me in the past but I don't understand. My brain cannot compute how a 2 ton machine can fly. I know what some of the parts of but for the most part how the machine stays in the air is unknown to me. That's also how I feel about this internship. I know what some of the aspects are. And people have tried to explain it to me but for the most part it remains unknown. What is takes for me to fly on a plane and enter this internship is faith. I have faith God will safely deliver me to my destination when I fly. I have more faith that since I know God has called me to this internship that God will deliver me through it.

So I get ready to board the next flight into the unknown I have faith that God will deliver me through.

Getting Prepared

2009-09-09T12:44:00.000-06:00

Here I sit in the library making the first real step toward going (at least in my opinion its the first step). I have set up my blog. Its more than official I leave in only a matter of days for the Pine Ridge Reservation. I'm excited, I'm scared, and I'm nervous. I'm leaving the comforts of the Midwest behind for the barren land of the prairie. Even though I am returning to a somewhat familiar landscape the village of Manderson holds the element of the unknown. I will not be going back to my friends in Allen, instead I will be in a different place about an hour or so away and in reservation terms its fairly close.

I have already decided that I will miss the trees in Kalamazoo and the corn fields that surround Anderson. The beauty of all the rivers, lakes, and ponds will not be forgotten. While on the prairie though, I look forward to basking in the sun for the cloudless skies and hanging out with the prairie dogs. I look forward to being able to see for miles.

What I look forward to the most is the people. I love the Lakota people. Their hair, the color of their skin, and their beautiful Rez (short for reservation) accents.

So as this final week of green grass and tall trees continues I will spend my time in prayer, packing, and visiting friends.